Doctor Who: Jubilee Episode 1 Scene 0 (on radio) DJ1: Yeeess! He's back, and it's about time! Our man at the met office, with his eye on the sky, it's Sylvester McKettley! So,what's with the weather this weekend, Sylv? Sylv: Well, it's good news on the whole, Bob - the country can expect clear skies and temparatures in the high teens, perhaps even reaching the twenties in the midlands and the north, so don't be putting those summer clothes away just yet...! TITLES Scene 1 Sheep dog Trials somewhere in England BG: Dogs barking, sheep, etc Dr: This is preposterous! I can't believe how narrow-minded you're being. Jack: Sorry sir, but rules are rules.. Dr: Nonsense. Come on, you show me where in your rule book it says that the dogs can't be robotic.. Rom: Doctor ("told you so...").. I said you wouldn't get away with it. Dr: (ignores Romana).. well? show me then. Jack: I am the rule book and I say that computerised dogs cannot take part in sheep dog trials... K9: Computer is not an accurate description. It does not suggest intelligence. Jack: Ey, hark at it! That thing's too clever by 'alf... K9: Affirmative. Dr: (aside) Shhh K9. (to jack) No, no, he's not, Mr....? Jack: McCallen.. Dr: Mr McCallen...(to self) McCallen, McCallen... Scottish are you? Jack: Yorkshire, thank you. Since 9 generations... Dr: (humouring him) Nine generations, eh? Jack: Aye. Rom: (whisper aside) He's older than YOU! Dr: Yes, well, as I was going to say, K9's not really very intelligent at all, are you K9? K9: Master? Dr: Go on.. ask him a question... Jack: I'm sorry, sir? Dr: Any question.. go on... (expectant) Jack: What's the square root of 10? K9: (FX:thinks) 3.16227766016... Dr: (interrupts).. Yes, thank you, thank you K9... (to Jack) See... as I said - he got it quite wrong. Jack: No, I'm sorry sir, but I must be firm on this... Your dog... thing.. can't take part in our trials, and that's an end to it! Rom: Come on Doctor, let's go and watch instead. Dr: (FADING OUT) Oh, ok I suppose so, but I still don't see why they insist on making such petty distinctions on grounds they don't understand... Scene 2 A field location Rom: So how do this work then? Dr: Well ... the dog guides the sheep around the field, under instruction of its master, through the various gates and into a pen. It is quite simple really. Rom: No! I don't mean the sheep dog trials.. I mean this err... gadget of yours.. Ha! Looks like you knocked it up out of parts of an old cybermat.. Dr: uh, what? Oy! Hands off! That's a very sensitive meteorological scanner. Rom: (SARCASTIC MANNER) Oh, IS it?! Dr: Yes, with this I can accurately predict weather patterns for months to come. Of course, it's of limited use elsewhere in the galaxy, but quite comes into its own when I visit England.. Rom: Really? Dr: Look, I just enter our latitude and longitude ... here .. (FX: BEEP), press this button and... voila! Rom: YES? Dr: Oh, apparently we should be under seven foot of snow at the moment. Rom: Ah. And you're sure about that? Dr: Well, perhaps I might have to recalibrate this a little later... K9: Affirmative, master. Device is currently set for Alterian weather system. Dr: Ha! So it is. Well spotted there, my four legged friend.. K9: Incorrect. I have no legs. Dr: Yes, yes...Now, my money's on Flash there.. He's a three time champion at this trial and I wouldn't mind betting he'll will win another few times before he retires. Rom: And what money would that be? Dr: Figure of speech, Romana, Figure of speech. Rom: (knowingly) I know what you meant all right - you meant my *money* as always. Why do I always end up paying for everything? Dr: (Hurt) That's not true!! Rom: Is so! What about last night's meal at the Hotel? Dr: Ah. Rom: Yes! And the night before, the entry to these trials, the parking ticket for the TARDIS, the new components for K9... Dr: (interrupts)Yes, all right. Point taken. Rom: And I still think it's immoral to gamble when you're a Time Lord.. it's not like you can lose, is it? Dr: Really! Do you honestly believe that my knowledge includes the past and future winners of a minor sheep dog trial on a planet the other side of the galaxy? Rom: Wouldn't surprise me... Dr: Yes, well you have have to know these things when you're me. Anyway, I didn't have any money in this currency to bet, so it's all academic.. Oh, blast.. it's just begun to rain (FX) Rom: I say, that's rather unexpected... PAUSE FX: THUNDER CLAP Rom: I don't believe it! Earth weather!! Dr: Hold on... (CHECKS DEVICE).. Thought as much. It shouldn't be like this, you know.... My long range forecast indicates fine weather and it's accuracy is normally.. Rom: Never mind your blasted weather-machine. It was wrong before, and I'm getting soaked here. Can't we go back to the TARDIS? Dr: Sigh. (PUTS DEVICE AWAY) (FX: DEVICE POWERS DOWN) Very well, very well.. FX: K9 MOVES Scene 3 In the TARDIS FX: TARDIS Hum. Dr: What do you reckon, K9? K9: Cannot locate meteorological cause for disturbance.. Dr: Me neither...Hmmm.. it's almost as if some artificial source is causing this rotten weather... FX: THUNDERCLAP AND EXPLOSION (OF TARDIS CONSOLE) Dr: Whoa, that was unexpected. Rom: Whatever was it? K9: Checking. FX: K9 THINKS Dr: (manically flips console switches) I don't know yet. K9: TARDIS has been hit by lightning, minor damage to targetting systems sustained. Rom: Great! Look, Doctor. I don't want to be alarmist, but shouldn't we get out of here before we lose anything else? Dr: True. We better be off then. Rom: You mean you're not going to investigate against my better judgement? Dr: No.......(PAUSE)............well possibly, (double take) what did you say - better judgement. I'll give you better judgement - it was your idea to come here in the first place. Rom: No it wasn't. It was yours. Dr: Was it? Yes, well I knew I was right.. There's something odd going on here, Romana, and it's our job to find out what... Rom: I knew you would say that. Dr: Did you? Rom: Yes, which is why I took the precaution of checking the files on this country. It seems that the London Meteorological Office would be your best bet, if it's the weather that concerns you. Dr: London! - (pleased) Ha! I'd quite like to visit the Met Office. I haven't even been since they opened!! Okay! Let's see if she's still pilotable... (Takeoff) Scene 3.5 At Met Office (office fx/ bustle, phones etc..) Jared: (on phone) Yes, leader. Mmmm, yes, it is all arranged, as you commanded... (distant cyber mumble over phone...) Jubilee Cyber-Services, as you wish... ...(mumble...) yes, leader, there's a room free right at the top... (more mumble...)No, I believe we got away with that storm, they're just putting it down to freak conditions...Of course, leader, hold on... Boss: Come along Wentworth, off that phone... You spend too long on that thing, and there's work to be done... Jared: (to Boss), Sorry boss, I'll be straight along... Boss: You make sure you are. We need those satellite readings processed ready for the six o'clock news, and they won't process themselves... Jared: Of course,boss... (switch to cyber HQ) (on phone, low) I must go now, leader... Leader: Very well. You may continue in your job - but do not forget your only true alliegence is to the cybermen... (terror twang...) Scene 4 An Underground service tunnel. FX: TARDIS MATERIALISATION AND DOOR OPENS Dr: Now you stay there K9... (Steps out, to self) This brings back memories. Rom: How come you always manage to land at the most inhospitable places? Dr: Romana, as you should know, the TARDIS is hard enough to pilot at the best of times. Imagine what it is like after its been hit by lightning. Rom: Same as normal it seems. I really do hate dark dingy places. Dr: This is perfect though, no one will find the TARDIS here. Bit tricky otherwise you know, these Police Boxes are practically non-existent nowadays. Rom: Where are we then? Dr: We are in the London Underground, the very place I met some Yeti a couple of regeneration's ago. Rom: (to self) I suppose I should be thankful you've landed in the right city, at least. Dr: FX: WALKING (ANNOYED) Oh, fiddlesticks and flapdoodle! Rom: What's wrong, Doctor? Dr: According to this sign are at Aldwych. Rom: And what's the problem with that? Dr: They stopped running trains here back in 1994. This means we are going to have to walk... Rom: What did the TARDIS say the date was? Dr: October 2003...ish.. Rom: I wonder is London any different to the last time we came, 30 years ago? Dr: Well, not very much has changed, apart from a large flamboyant dome at Greenwich and an enormous tower in the Docklands. Rom: How big is enormous? Dr: Quite big actually, biggest building in Europe, I believe. Rom: Really? We must visit sometime. Dr: We will, but our first visit should be to the Met Office... Rom: Sure, let's just get out of this beastly tunnel.. Dr: Certainly. You lead the way... Rom: You don't know the way? Dr: (evasive) Not *as such*.. Rom: Great- you land us here in some disused service-shaft and don't even have a map with you. You really do worry me sometimes. Dr: I worry myself sometimes, let's just go down here and I'll ask for directions on the way. Scene 4.5 Cyber HQ (near Aldwych) Cyber1: Leader, our scouts report a disturbance in service-shaft North-13. Leader: What?! This will not do... Seek out the intruders and eliminate them.. Cyber1: The intruders have already escaped, leader. But they have left a blue cabinet behind... Leader: Very well. Have it brought to our laboratory for examination, but do not persue the intruders. If I am correct, I anticipate they will return for their "cabinet", and we will be there to capture them.. The Butterfly-Machine must not be discovered prematurely. Arrange it! Cyber1: At once, leader... Scene 5 Inside Holborn Underground Station Doctor & Romana emerge from tunnel Dr: ......and so I had to tow his TARDIS out of the wormhole after jumpstarting it with K9's backup power-pack. Rom: (Laughs) Poor old Sigdin... Dr: (indignant!) Poor Sidgin? That rotten show-off didn't even say "thank you"! Rom: Strange, all these things you've done and I've never heard of any of them. Dr: Well the High Council never did like me much. I think, unofficially, they just stopped mentioning me. Probably hoped I'd disappear or something.. Rom: The train's drawing into the station now... FX: TANNOY, MIND THE GAP, THIS IS HOLBORN ETC. Dr: Ahh, here we are Holborn. (PAUSE AS DOCTOR LOOKS AROUND) Now lets get outside. (fade out) (fade in) (FX: ESCALATOR) Dr: Humph. They didn't have these last time. What do you think Romana? Rom: Yes, I see what you mean........ Hey, look - that person just put their ticket into the machine and it opened - Easy then! Dr: An almost perfect plan, flawed in just one small oversight.... Rom: (accusing) *You* don't have any tickets! Well, that's just typical isn't it. Dr: I didn't expect this. Well, actually I forgot. Rom: Well done Doctor. Dr: Don't worry, I'm sure my Sonic Screwdriver can open those gates. FX: SONIC SCREWDRIVER Rom: It doesn't seem to be working. (TICKET INSPECTOR ARRIVES UNNOTICED) TiIns: (Coughs) excuse me,sir, what do you think you are doing. Dr: Ahh yes I don't suppose you could open this for me could you? TiIns: Quite easily, but first I'd like to see your tickets. Dr: Here you go... TiIns: Hmm, this is dated 1975. Dr: Oh I am sorry. Is that no good? TiIns: No, sir. Tickets are only valid for 3 hours, not three decades.. Dr: Well that's the problem you see, we don't have anything else... TiIns: I see, well that's a twenty pound fine each then, I'm afraid. Rom: (DISBELIEF) TWENTY POUNDS. (To Doctor) Did he say "Twenty pounds"? Dr: I believe he did. Better pay him Romana, we don't want to get in trouble with the law, do we... Rom: Oh, very well.. there you are.. TiIns: Thank you, madam. (pause... ) *cough* Dr: PSsst... and the rest.. Rom: (indignant!) ha! You want me to pay for you too...? Dr: I'd be only too happy to pay for myself, if I had any British currency on me... Rom: *sigh* There you go (hands over another 20 quid) .. honestly, Doctor, you really should sort your finances out... FX: UNDERGROUND TICKET GATES Scene 6 In the street. BG: Cars, people. Overheard news programme on car radio: "And preparations are now well underway for the Queen's Golden Jubilee, and the succession of Prince Charles the following week... Oxford Street and Regents Street are being transformed with banners, lights, displays and of course the all-important union-jacks...." Car drives off... Emerging from Holborn station... Dr: Quite a far cry from rural Yorkshire eh? Rom: I'll say... I don't remember *Paris* being this busy... Dr: Different time era, Romana. Traffic has almost trebled since the seventies.. Anyway, Capitals are always busy.. London, Paris, Rome, Extron 9, .. Why, even Gallifrey gets quite busy on occassions, especially round Christmas time.. Rom: I do hope that's a joke Doctor... (doctor has vanished...) DOCTOR!! .... (pause) Oh, where's he gone now?.. (cut) PC: The what, sir? Dr: The Met Office. (PAUSE).. where they do the weather? no? PC: (DRY) Just round the corner sir. Can't miss it - big sign on the front, says "Met Office" (also Romana: Ah there you are...) Dr: Thank you, most kindly Officer, ... jelly baby? PC: No thank you sir, I'm trying to give up... Dr: As you wish, as you wish... PC: Only you might like to take an alternative route, sir. The preparations for the Jubilee are underway, and some of the paths are blocked off.. I'd avoid going towards the Oxford Street area, if I were you. Right down as far as Marble Arch, it's total chaos. Dr: Oh of course! The jubilee celebrations - how silly of me... (pause) Are you coming, Romana?.. (fade) Scene 6.5 Cyber1: It is as you suspected, Leader. The blue cabinet is a time machine of some kind. Leader: This is most regretable. The presence of the TARDIS indicates that the Doctor is in the area. Our agents above ground must be alerted to the danger, and he must be eradicated at the first oppotunity. Only he possesses the knowledge that can endanger the success of the cybermen invasion. Cyber1: I will ensure ground forces are contacted immediately, Leader. Leader: Excellent... Scene 7 Inside the Met Office Jared: (on phone) Of course. I will remain alert for this "Doctor" character you describe. And if I find him?... But what if he refuses?(gasp!) But I have never killed a... no, of course not, leader, I wouldn't dare... Very well, as you command. Goodbye.. Secretary: Are you on that phone again Jared? New girlfriend, is it? Jared: (thrown) ..er.. no, no, nothing like that. Purely business... Secretary: (chuckle) Whatever you say, mum's the word! (phone rings!) Oop, there it goes again.. (answers phone)... Yes, mister Callahan is free at the moment. Okay, I'll let him know... (over intercom) Mr Callahan, there's a chap wants to see you .. a mister smith.. said he was from a company called UNIT or something... sounds quite official... Callahan: (over intercom) Ok, show him in, Susan. Secretary: (over phone) Yes, he can come straight up.. Fine.. Goodbye.. Jared: (low,to self) UNIT, eh? Well, well, well.. (gap) Dr: (to Romana) Golden Jubilee, romana. 50 years since her succession to the throne. Quite a long time, really, even by Timelord standards... Ahh.. Hello! Secretary: If you'll just go straight through sir, Mr Callahan is there ready to see you... Dr: Certainly, certainly.. (goes through door) ... How do you do... Callahan: How do you do... Doctor...? Dr: Smith. But you can just call me the Doctor. Callahan: Whatever you say. Now, what can I do you for? Dr: (hush) Well, it's a bit er.. hush hush.. at the moment, but we have reasons to believe that the storms yesterday in the North were far from natural... Callahan: WE?? Dr: ...believe that some external force may have caused them, yes. Can I examine your charts for yesterday? Callahan: Yes, mmm... if you must... here we are... 1340 GMT this one was taken, and this one the following hour and this one the hour after that... Dr: (examines them...) Hmmm ... fascinating.... Romana: I'll say... Callahan: Look, Doctor. Are you really serious about this. Freak weather conditions like yesterday's aren't that unheard of. I don't think we need to go forming conspiracy theories just because it rained a bit unexpectedly... Dr: Look here on the map... Now you see this cold front moving in from the east... And this one approaching from the south which meets this occluded front here... Callahan: Yes, but there... Dr: (interrupts) Now draw a line connecting the three in the centre... Callahan: Sigh.. okay.. mmm .there... Dr: And again on the same shot two hours later and what do you notice??? Callahan: Ermm mmm mmm Dr: Exactly! The point is the same, even though the weather system appears to be progressing... odd, don't you think? Callahan: Maybe. But certainly not conclusive... Dr: No? Check the point where the main influence of the system seems to be anchored... Callahan: Where are we... hmmm. on the Jubilee line somewhere.. Where is that? Docklands? Dr: Exactly - Canary Wharf.. Now what would Canary Wharf be doing interfering with the weather?? Callahan: Well it interferes with *my TV*, no end... Dr: Not quite the same, I don't think. Romana: I'd recommend a visit, Doctor! Dr: You know, that's not a bad idea at all! Thank you for your time, Mr Callahan. I'd keep quiet about this for now, but we will be back... We're just taking a short trip to the Docklands... Callahan: Ok Doctor. Umm. Well, thank you for the insight. Rest assured we'll look into it... Dr: Great Stuff! Cheerio then... (outside in office) Jared: So it is you doctor... I won't let you escape.. If I capture you, the cybermen will reward me richly.... Hah hah ha (evil cackle!) Scene 8 On Tube Romana: Sound like it works on the butterfly principle, to me Doctor... Dr: Possibly, possibly. The system certainly is characterised by such chaotic fluctuations.. but a more pressing question is who could have mastered such technology, so that a flap of a wing, so to speak, in London might cause storms hundreds of miles away?? Romana: I'd rather not think about it. Dr: Me neither, but I have my suspicions... Tannoy: The next station is canary wharf. Change here for Docklands Light Railway services.. Romana: I think we've arrived... 2 Scene 9 Outside Dr: Tall isn't it? Romana: I'd have said it was the tallest building in Europe. Dr: No you wouldn't! That's what I said! (pause) Anyway, a more pressing issue would be... Romana: How do we get in? Dr: How do we get in? Back door, perhaps? Romana: I doubt it. You'd have to be maintainance staff or some such... Dr: Then maintainance staff we are!! (enters door) Guard: Excuse me sir... Dr: Excused. I'm the Doctor and this is Romana - Gallifreyan Plumbing Ltd - you've got a burst pipe on the 22nd I believe? Guard: Well, I don't... Dr: Jolly good. Well, we'll just head on up then. Ah, here's the lift. Have you got the tools Romana? Forgotton them, oh, well we'll just have to make do (doors of lift shutting) good day.. (Lift goes up) (pause) Romana: Tut! Honestly. Plumbers, Of all things... Dr: Look, don't knock it, all right? We're in. Which floor? Romana: Top I suppose. Dr: (pushes button) .. up we go... (at top) Romana: (Whistle!) Quite a view from here... Dr: Any sign of what's causing the disturbance? Romana: No just a few offices my end.. All empty... What about you...? Dr: Nothing.. (walks) no, wait a second.. There's one office occupied... (tries door) but it's locked... (Reads) Jubilee Cyber Services PLC. Humph! Romana: Could just be a coincidence. Dr: Maybe, maybe.. but it wouldn't suprise me if the Cybermen were behind whatever is going on here... It's all mightily suspicious.. I think perhaps somebody higher up should be told.. Romana: But we're already on the top floor! Dr: That's not what I meant, and you know it. Romana: You mean the Prime Minister then?... Dr: No I mean Michael Fish the weatherman..! (lift opens...) Jared: (appears) Unfortunately Doctor, you will never get to see Mr Fish. You know too much. Both of you. Romana: It's that chap from the met office again! Jared: You will both come with me or I will shoot you. The CyberLeader is most anxious to see you... (gap) Romana: GASP! A transmat! Jared: Yes, it provides the best link between cyberHQ and these offices. Step onto the platform... (transmat...) (at other end of the transmat) Romana: Doctor, where are we?? Dr: I don't know, but look who's over there.. CyberLeader: Doctor! I'm glad you have been captured at last. You pose far too much of a threat to our plans. Dr: (bitter) The CyberLeader and his merry Cybermen! How do you do. CyberLeader: I have no time for your pleasantries. Scout!! CyberScout: Leader. CyberLeader: You see this ridiculous couple standing before us. CyberScout: I do. CyberLeader: Kill them.. (TITLES) Jubilee Episode One written by Jon Greenwood and Howard Richardson Starring Andy Haynes as The Doctor Sarah Chaney as Romana Jon Greenwood as Jack Mr Callahan Damian Brooks as Cyber Leader Howard Richardson as Jared, K9 and the Policeman. Georgina Kingshott as the Secretary Craig Holland as the Ticket Inspector and Cyberman voices were by Andy Haynes and Howard Richardson. Script Design was by Jon Greenwood Audio FX were by Howard Richardson and Jon Greenwood Digital Editing and Music was by the FloorTen Radiophonic Workshop This been a FloorTen Audio production. (FloorTen logo) (c) 1998 Floor Ten Audio